Hellllllloooo!

Maybe you can relate: I hate “leaving people behind” cuz I value loyalty. As I went to 10 schools in five states between K – 12 and moved between family members following my parents’ divorce, I know the importance of “having people’s backs.” Cuz living where you don’t feel that you can count on anyone is fucking tough and dysregulating as fuck.

But when you find “your tribe members?” Dude!! It’s like a glass of ice cold water on a hot day. Awesome cuz they tend to be few and far between.

The great news about social media and platforms like Zoom? I can remain connected to folks no matter where I live now. Such a relief cuz I did all that K-12 moving when dinosaurs roamed the earth in terms of technology: It was easy to lose contact since life always continues.

EXCEPT it’s not just moving that can cause disconnect… Growth can too. That’s the sneaky one if I’m being honest.

If you’ve been following my social media and older blogs that I’ve since pulled down to start fresh, I drew figures that represented me. I put the different colors in today’s picture: They started purple then moved to pink and RED represents me now.

And a cost of growth is not relating to people in the way that I once did. BUT BUT BUT I don’t want to leave anyone behind. Nope. Not a single soul. Yes. Absolutely a massive reason for my blogs: I’m excited to have you come along with me. Cuz the work that I’ve been doing????

Bringing me such incredible peace. Holy shit is it ever. TOTALLY LOVE IT!! I wish that for everyone. A thing to know that it’s an ongoing process rather than “one and done.”

Not everyone is willing to do the work. And for some: They try to hold you back rather than doing the work. I’ve come across this many times in my life. It’s generally not a person standing on a table and boldly declaring “DON’T LEAVE ME” like in the movies. Their actions tend to be in smaller emotional hooks in conversations that appear “well-intentioned…” No. No. No. I know best. You must do it my way cuz you must trust me and only me. I talked about this in my blog of the “Go Along to Get Along Gang.”

Yes. I know. I know. That sounds cheesy and over the top when I write it out like that. Consider that is the subtext of what is being said. If you have any doubts or wants examples? Look at how ALL American political parties market their messaging to folks: That’s exactly what they’re saying: Blindly and mindlessly follow me and only me or you’re “EVIL” And if you’re “EVIL?” It gives us license to destroy your life. Insert the modern day version of the Salem Witch Trials that’s alive and well right now. Yes. I fell for the nonsense on all sides until one day… My brain went

WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING!?!

And waking up to it around politics helped me to be aware of how this tactic is used in my every day life too. Like holy shit. A LOT. A LOT. A LOT.

The other cool difference? Understanding that dynamic around politicians and applying that understanding towards everything? Helped me to understand that the small emotional hooks are about power grabs for that person rather than anything having to do with me. I also started to deconstruct ones that I also used.

And in understanding that? I got to redefine my definition of “loyalty” for it doesn’t mean sameness. Nope. Not that it ever truly meant that a bazillion times percent for me. It’s more about following the true principle of what Carol Dweck talks about in her book “Mindset,” the recovery model talks about, and even the Bible: Separate the person for their behavior.

So? You love the person while giving space for their behavior regardless of what it looks like. Cuz my loyalty is to the person rather than the behavior for I know from my own experiences?? Not everyone understands EVERY SINGLE ONE OF my behaviors or thought patterns.

AND??

No one but me has to understand them. People not understanding them doesn’t make them disloyal. It’s the folks wanting to pull me down cuz they see my growth to be threatening or use their lack of understanding me as an excuse to bully me are “disloyal to me.”

AND THERE’S MORE…

MORE IMPORTANT: They’re disloyal to themselves. Huh? They’re outsourcing their agency to me since they’re expending their energy on trying to keep me stuck instead of taking care of their own shit.

AND!?! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!?! STOP ALREADY!?! RIGHT???

I’m being disloyal to them if I cling to them for my safety raft rather than owning: It’s up to me to do my own work.

FINALLY: Relationships that can weather you growing and evolving are the keepers. FOR if they encourage you flourishing on your own terms in good times and in bad times??? That’s the true loyalty.

As always: Have a glamorous day for fun!!!

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