Dudes! I love that WordPress turned photo of my journals upside down. Very fun!

I know that “hypervigilant” and “journaling” sound like an odd combination. Let me explain to you why the combo makes sense.

Journaling has long been held up as a great release. “The Artist’s Way” even talks about the value of morning pages. Sure. It’s good to be able to write out your thoughts to see what they look like outside of your head. I know for me that this can be a game changer at times. And those dopamine hits can be euphoric.

Oh boy! Do I love chasing that high. It’s so incredibly cool when pieces finally line up. This is especially if I’m been working on putting them together a while. Cuz yes? My mind never stops. But in those in between times when I’m just spinning? I keep checking myself via my written word.

But when you have roommates? You write your journal in a code that even you may not understand. Yes. I know this sounds paranoid like that line in the Nirvana song Territorial Pissings: Just because you’re paranoid. Don’t mean that they’re not after you… As an aside: Nirvana used to be my favorite band based on their song Negative Creep cuz I think it’s funny. But then they got overplayed and sold too many T-shirts for my taste. But we all got bills to pay. So – go on with yourselves!!

Yes. I sometimes go down rabbit holes in my blog writings. Sure. They can easily be seen as undisciplined. Cuz yup. That’s exactly what they are. And I put them in to add color to what could easily seem like I’m lecturing or virtue signaling. Get me to take a long walk off a short cliff if I do that: I’m not virtuous or holy. In fact? I’m all around pain in the ass. And? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I digress.

Cuz chasing that euphoria can also have a terrible side: It can be your only release when you’re a tough situation. If you’re curious what I mean by a “tough situation,” you can check out my blog: Former Stepford Wife to Homeless Light to Now. So, I would sometimes relentlessly journal like a motherfucker hopped up on speed or cake in my case. Scanning, checking, reliving events in my writings to see if I could glean that new piece of information for insight. Why yes… Insights became even further and further in between the more that I chased them.

Until I had that day where I asked myself: Why am I chasing items in a vacuum when there’s a whole life to be lived in the present?

Now? I still journal. AND I give myself grace along with seeking out new information instead of only spinning on what woulda, coulda, shoulda… Yes. I have far more peace. Though? My handwriting is still shit. That too shall pass!

Have a glamorous day on purpose!!

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