Happy day to you!

Here’s the deal: I take a psychotropic medication that requires a meal for full absorption. In less fancy terms: I need to food with my psych meds for them to work. Yes. Lots of other meds are that way too.

EXCEPT they may not carry the same shame that psych meds do.

And YES! Mine caused me a shit ton of shame when I first started taking them. As I mentioned in my Monster blog, I’ve been twice shackled and six orderlies pinned me down to shove meds down my throat. If it took that much force? There must be something wrong with me. Right? Yes. Let me ignore my nervous system for surely – the people in the psych ward were the “medical professionals” armed with truth, justice, and the “right way.” Truth? I felt terrorized there.

No. This isn’t about feeling sorry for myself. God knows that I’ve done enough of that. It’s more about the fallout shame. See… I’ve also had the side effect of drowsiness in one of my meds. And it would hit me whenever I took my meds too early in the day. I’d absolutely lose an evening of productivity to a side effect. Such bullshit. And rather than like the Hobbits having second breakfast? I had second dinner. Dude! Did that ever pack on the pounds beyond my just weakness for cake? Sweet Jesus.

And speaking of side effects from medications? They’re very real – the first mood stabilizer that I took caused me to gain 30 pounds in the first month, caused me to shake, contributed to a massive depression, and contributed to my hair falling out in clumps. Yup. I ended up with a mullet. So, I did what any self-respecting girl would do: cut my hair into a bob despite my hair being more than half way down my back.

And I still took my meds without fail since I have far more shit to do than allow my bipolar to run amuck.

When I followed doctor’s orders on how to transition to the next mood stabilizer? I had headaches so bad that they felt like I was having an aneurism. The room was also spinning so bad that I laid directly on the floor with my face down and eyes closed cuz I couldn’t focus. It made going to graduate school very hard.

Yes. That all eventually subsided cuz I kept taking my meds even in those conditions.

As we were trying to get pregnant much later on, I was able to completely transition off that med to nothing while remaining the same. I followed my own intuition of taking months rather than days and weeks like many doctors advocate. Cuz that med was like so many psychotropic meds: horrible birth defects if a woman using them gets pregnant. This one would have caused Spina Bifida in my baby. Here’s the deal: I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with Spinal Bifida. It’s more that I wanted the least amount of stuff in my system to impact my kid or kids.

This is especially since I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get rid of my “OG” meds requiring food. Why? It’s a mood stabilizer and an anti-psychotic medication. I call them my “Old Gangster” cuz I’ve been on it since the beginning of taking psychotropic medications. But it’s actually relatively new still. As a result, there aren’t that many studies yet on how they impact things like pregnancy.

Nope. I’m not naming the names of any meds discussed in here. Why? Everyone’s systems process medications differently. So, I don’t want to influence anyone’s decisions on their medication choices. They must do for themselves what is right for them.

A thing about my “OG” medication? It has the possible side effect of Tartar Dyskinesia. If you’ve never heard of this medical condition, it’s involuntary muscle movements in the face. People do things like micro grimaces or stick out their tongue or all sorts of little ticks facial ticks. If you stay on the meds long enough? They can become permanent. I knew a bit about my little grimaces. But it was really my dentist noticing my tongue wiggling like a motherfucker that caused me to question how much of the “OG” that I needed.

See… Many people with mental illness don’t like to consistently take their meds. As I’m not a therapist, I’m not going to psycho-analyze them. But I’ll throw this out to you: If you dealt with some of the shit that I’ve written about in here… Would you necessarily be willing to take the time to get to the other side of this shit? The answer for some people is no.

And there’s also the idea that some doctors over prescribe medication to keep people in line. Yes. This is inflammatory statement. And it’s in part cuz of all the marketing around medication: It’s seen as the golden solution for so many things beyond just mental illness. As a result, many folks think that taking their medication is all that is needed to have a healthy life. The medical establishment loves this cause it allows them to make money hand over fist.

When it reality? A moderate amount of meds with good sleeping habits, a healthy diet, regular exercise, things like therapy, body work/grounding exercises where you work with integrating your body and mind, socialization, play time, pursuing your passions, working toward productive goals, and LOVING YOURSELF are the real cornerstones to a life well lived.

Cuz it doesn’t matter how much medication that you take if your eating habits are shit or your sleep is out of whack or you let things like fear run your life – you’re not going to do well. I’ll also say that the more that I take care of all me instead of just part of me? I’ve been able to work with the doctors to lower my medication to have them be part of an all encompassing healthy lifestyle getting far more done than when I was living in a world where only medication compliance mattered. Heck. There may come a day when I may not even need to take meds at all.

But this answer will come to me like everything else in my life has done: work the process while gathering new information that’s tested over a period of time rather than live in a “one and done” mindset. I’ll also state that this option may not be true for everyone. It’s up to you to find your own best path: I cannot decide for you. If you doubt this: You’ve found ways to make it this far – there’s wisdom in there for you to mine for yourself. You got this!!

As I heard Tony Robbins ask forever ago: Do you think his standards for excellence NOW are the same that they were when he was first starting out? Nope.

This is also true of me where I was originally mortified to be taking my medication out in public. Yes. I’ve had some busybodies point out that I take too many meds cuz I take my vitamins at the same time. When really? I didn’t have peace with having bipolar disorder and complex PTSD. Now? I have profound gratitude for having both. Why? They got me to take better care of myself. So now? The real work of my life can now begin…

I appreciate you going on this journey with me!! We’re going to have so much fun!! Feel free to share if you’d like.

And as always? Have a glamorous day on purpose!!

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