Good morning all!

Before I get into today’s topic… My picture is an unfiltered shot of Two Moon Park here in town. It’s one of my happy places cuz well – it’s gorgeous. And I almost always see some sort of wildlife while still being in the middle of Montana’s “Biggest City.”

Back to the task at hand: Returning to Montana for has been a pattern throughout my life. My joke is Montana has been like a fungus that grows on me. I know! I know! I know! I’m supposed only extoll it’s virtues except we have a complicated relationship. And? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My first move here was with my sisters at seven years old. Yup… My parents divorced. See… It was my mom’s healing journey for she had been born in a tiny Montana town called Sidney. But we moved to Great Falls since Mom had spent most of her formative years there. So, it felt the most like home to her.

For me? I was an “odd” kid from out of town. Nope. I didn’t fit in even remotely close. This was also true of my earlier schools in Washington state. And this was waaaaaaay before awareness around different learning styles. As I also wasn’t engaged and didn’t do things lock and step with my educators? I’ve been stuck in the classes for folks riding the “short bus” many times. Surely, I’m the “problem” rather than a boring as fuck curriculum meant to spit out widgets rather than fully actualized humans with critical thinking skills and curiosity be their driving force. But hey…

I digress.

But dude? It was a good digression. Cuz I’m willing to bet that many folks can relate to this. As an aside, I’ve found that doing well in school doesn’t necessarily prove that you’re smart. It means that you’re good at following directions. And thus? You now know why I never did well in school for I was never one to follow directions for the sake of following directions: they needed to interest me. No. I wasn’t this self-aware at the time. Funny how hindsight can shine a very necessary spotlight to bigger patterns at work.

I moved from Montana at the end of fifth grade to live with my dad and my soon to be stepmom with her sons. A thing to know about her sons – yes, they’re legally considered my “stepbrothers” except I consider them both my brothers without the disclaimer “step” in front. As I hadn’t been raised around boys to that point, I had no idea how to handle it. To say that this situation was tough on me? Yup.

And this is where I returned to Montana again to hang with my mom in Great Falls at the end of my freshman year of high school. I stayed there for my sophomore year too. It was overall a typical high school experience. Heck. I had ran for the cross country team and made varsity my first race. Yes. My skills on the swimming team sucked. As for track? I did good there too until I screwed up my knee.

I moved to Cody, Wyoming, for my junior year of high school. And I lettered in cross country running along with being on the cross country ski team. My mom got a job at the Buffalo Bill Historical Center. It’s a beautiful museum if you’ve never been. Worth a trip that you finish off with a buffalo burger at the Irma. My time in Cody started with me being raped in a weird situation that I will detail in a different post not for gore hounds. It’s about the freeing steps that I’ve taken around healing myself around this and the context too big to write in here. I held that secret until I stayed in Missoula with my sister Heidi during the summer.

As it was time for me to head back to Cody, I revealed about the rape. We all decided that it was my best course of action to stay with Heidi in Missoula. Thus another time in Montana to heal. I also returned to Montana after my first major adult relationship split apart in my late 20s. Yes. I’ve been slow in terms of relationship milestones for one simple reason:

Forever is a long time. Why rush into it?

My return that time was to Billings for the first time. I completed my second undergraduate degree in history at Montana State University – Billings. And I was chosen to be the outstanding senior of the year. And I also got myself involved in a toxic relationship. It landed me on the medication that triggered my psychotic break. Yes, I titrated the medication how the medical professionals told me and still had that outcome. Absolutely: This is a whole other topic for another post.

And that was my second return to Billings. Vocational Rehabilitation helped me set up my own freelance writing business. Why? I can write no matter my state or state of mind. Writing is my beyond happy place. But stripping away the bullshit? I also knew in my heart of hearts that I needed to stop being a sissy and pursue writing and filmmaking in Los Angeles if I was serious about it. The entertainment industry landscape was different back then except the major studios are still based there.

After my marriage ended? I returned to heal here again in Billings. My family is clustered around here. And a thing about Billings? The main entrance into town has a sugar beet factory by it along with the Montana State Women’s Prison next to the Montana Visitor Center. I thought that I planned poorly? Except it is what it is. No pomp and fancy circumstances or pretending to be something that it’s not like Los Angeles does.

Truth be told? Most of Montana is what it is. Sure. Montana has magic cuz its scenery is breathtaking in many locations. You truly do feel like you’re in God’s country. And parts of it are a real fucking pain in the ass like WINTER SNOW. Yuck. My solution after this winter and possibly next? Become a snowbird based on my career objectives rather than sitting my ass in the winter sun down south. I also want to make sure that I get my Montana part of the year cuz after all this going back and forth?

I’m ready to let Montana be in my heart rather than just a fungus in my life.

How about you? Anything that you want to share about your current abode?

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