Hello!

I’ve gotten push back about how I show up in public.

CUZ!?!

It’s messy.

Not just a little.

BIG TIME.

Like somehow???

I’m supposed to have ALL the secrets of the universe wrapped up in the biggest bow ever with sparkles.

I tried that for DECADES.

Driving myself batshit crazy

Trying to perfect things.

As I’ve been going through this process???

My inner two year keeps asking its favorite question:

WHY?

Am I afraid people will think I’m a failure? I’m the intellectual equivalent of a paper weight? My “lack of breeding” will show? People will know that I’ve spent a lot of my life being a fashion risk? People will know about the gaps in my education cuz I went to 10 different schools in a variety of STATES and cities within those states in K-12? What will happen if people find out that I have a dark sense of humor? And I don’t always brush my teeth!?!

BUT BUT BUT

I always work on improving. Sure. Some days would feel great if I sit on my ass and whine until my toes fall off.

EXCEPT MOST DAYS???

I’d rather than be comfortable with being uncomfortable. That’s honestly been so fucking hard.

Yes. This sounds silly – like it drives me crazy to open a document to find something like the wrong spelling for a word like “they’re” or “their” or “there”

AFTER

I had already sent stuff out.

Since my post about Moving Goal posts!?!

That’s me to me.

AND?

It always sets me up to fail.

EVERY FUCKING TIME.

My conclusion?

I’ve built 600+ opportunities to perform in public some way until July 1, 2027. None are earth shattering. I won’t be moving the needle a football field each and every interaction.

How?

I’ve reframed how I view everything:

My survival jobs are in cold sales and customer service in some way. I need to address whatever comes up in the moment just like crowd work. I’m also reading the room and even just trying to get people’s attention. It’s always funny to watch people pretending to not hear me. Like seriously!?! Who do they think they’re kidding???

I’m also going to perform stand up on average of once a week. I’ll learn timing and pacing here. As I slow down, I’m learning to give space for people actually hear my jokes not have my run over the laughter. Cuz if you do that enough? You train the audience to not laugh at your jokes. Easy mistake to make. Hard to break. TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Getting the chance to work with silence? I first started this when I did stand up over Zoom. The very first time? I felt like I had grown a second head. Then? I wondered if the earth would swallow me up. Nope. It hasn’t stopped either.

I plan to present at least one speech a month at Toastmasters. This gives me the opportunity to talk in a more professional setting. I received the note about my swearing. It’s about working from an outline versus the seat of my pants. As I’ve been working on slowing down, this is great practice to apply to my standup too. Toastmasters being the OG of public speaking is for good reason: They have tools to help you pull apart the different pieces of public speaking to have everything come together.

I’ll be doing a capella signing three times on average a month. I know! I know! I know! This number should be double based on my long term goal of singing. Hear me out: My throat clenches when I present ANYTHING in public. Trying to sing a closed throat? Trashes it. My ongoing performances have helped me calm down around this to let my throat open more slowly but surely.

Why go into the weeds like this?

No need for you to over function either. Just keep trying… Like the little engine in the Little Engine that Could.

After all: If I can do these things???? Why can’t you if you want??? No need for fanciness. Just showing up makes anything possible.

And if you look at the picture for this post? I look terrified cuz I’m trying to rush through it. Super dork. Yup. That’s me.

As always: Have a glamorous day for fun!!

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