Hellooooooo!

I realized that it might seem like I’m bending all over the place to write my blogs in terms of my views.

Nope.

I’ve been actively working my way through all the stuff that has come up for me while I work on my embodiment.

How does this translate to simple terms?

We live in a society where it’s perfectly acceptable to be angry, pissed off, and all around livid at individuals who have hurt you. And there’s the stance: You can remain that way forever. No one will blame you if do this. If anything? It’s encouraged. Yup. We all get to remain angry…

AND?

That pisses me off cuz it’s self-indulgent. Why? I realized for my own self that doing this keeps that person trapped in my mind. If I spin enough? They become a caricature based on how I view them. So? I don’t give them room to grow and evolve if I hold onto that one moment that’s all about ego screaming loud: I’m right! I’m right! I’m right!

But is that actually true motherfucker?

Yes. “Motherfucker” is a tough word. BUT BUT BUT that’s how I’m behaving.

See… I was kicked out of a class where I was being taught how progressive politics are applied to therapy. It was near the beginning of me working on trying to explain about unconditionally loving everyone. This isn’t the same as agreeing with everyone or their politics. My approach was beyond rough.

But if you fight hate with hate? All you get is more hate. That’s not what folks wanted to hear in that class. They wanted to remain justified in hating folks they believe were “wrong” while expecting those same individuals to use the right pronouns.

A former showrunner was leading the charge by twisting my words to do whatever it took to get me out of the class. Sure. He talked about a big TV show with an A list actor possibly attached. Dude. Unless business affairs is involved? It’s all just a bunch of talk.

Cuz it was also clear to me that none of the people in the class had any clue about the real abuses done to people with mental illness. They all lived in virtue signal land stuck in sound bites. Cuz let’s face it: the older practice of forced sterilizations of women and other other awful things done in psych wards isn’t common knowledge. And I believe based on how the class was taught that the facilitator didn’t clearly see how she was gaslighting folks into dependence rather than actively helping people. How? She was all about being in solidarity in victimhood. Everyone gets to pat themselves on the back instead of do the real work.

Dudes…

I believe everyone is far stronger than they allow themselves to be. And me staying stuck in my anger about someone else’s behaviors instead of being willing to talk things out? Bitch ass move on my part cuz it was about me hiding. It’s a false cover that actually does more harm than good. I used to do that shit. The temptation is still really fucking strong. So intoxicating and strong…

Cuz it feels so good to feel righteously angry. Okay. Good. Great. I let myself be pissed off for a moment. Then ask myself… How does staying stuck in that feeling actually help improve the quality of my life? It comes down to the lines stated in the “Our Father” prayer…

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us

Translation?

We are only forgiven as much as we’re willing to forgive.

Dude. That’s tough. And fucking awesome. It’s also the standard that I actively work on applying every day. Sure. I have days where it’s absolutely the last fucking thing that I want to do. BUT BUT BUT I know it’s absolutely self-indulgent if I hold a separate standard for others than I do myself by expecting others to remain at a standard that I think is optional for me.

And this process of holding my own self more accountable while giving everyone the same room to breathe like me… Giving space instead of living in assumptions… Slowing down to see what is instead of only living in my head… Grounding myself in myself by giving my emotions space to move through me instead of stay stuck… Have all been the foundation for this blog.

Yes. It’s completely messy to publicly track my growth. An even bigger YES! I know it can easily be seen as talking from all sides of my mouth. Cuz dudes have done that while I work my way through the emotional fallout of my life to this point. This translates to something simple: My emotions have been flooding my system since I’m not holding them in check in the way that I once did. The result? They don’t “hold me hostage” in the way they once did. Cuz that’s fallout to me when I trap people in single moments.

Absolutely and positively exhausting… As I’m not to the other side of this yet, it’s the reason for the longer blog. I still posted this blog anyway since I believe it’s important to “come clean” that this is about progress rather than perfection.

As always: Have a glamorous day for fun!

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