Dudes! I’m happy to report that my big fear wave has worked its way through my system. And I also know that it’s like the 1964 Anchorage, Alaska, Earthquake and the 1994 Northridge, California, Earthquake. Is that questionable comma usage or okay? Commas and I are still not quite on a first name basis.

I digress.

The deal is simple… Aftershocks may continue to occur except not at the earthquake’s original intensity. As I love living life to its fullest? I’m sure that I may also get new earthquakes of some levels. My thoughts?

Fuck it. Life is too short to remain a coward for long.

Why am I being so cryptic? That’s just it: A lot of people are cryptic a lot of the time. God knows that’s been me too. Cuz I’m truly the old stereotype of a dumb woman: Blonde hair with blue eyes, high voice, tons of energy and curvy.

And yes – I was treated like a bimbo for a very long time.

Yup – I bought that marketing campaign for a long time from outside forces beyond my family. What’s the old wisdom? If you hear a message enough from a whole lot of sources? Maybe it all falls on you to check yourself. This always an excellent idea to test things out and ask lots of questions cuz of course:

Miscommunication is king.

Except not everyone is willing to do the work to find a common understanding between all parties involved. News flash: They don’t have to. It’s also not up to the person being misunderstood to twist themselves so much that they become a pretzel for that other party to understand. It’s about mutual give and take except not everyone is willing to admit that they don’t understand. It’s so much easier to blame the other people than accept shortcomings. Dudes? I’ve been on both sides of this.

How does this relate?

I also thought I was a bimbo for a very long time. It didn’t matter that I consistently excel when I actually commit myself to get shit done. Nope. There must be somethin’ wrong with my noggin. Right?

But then a funny thing happened when I returned to Montana following my 2006 psychotic break… I Took a whole battery of tests to see about a possible career path after my bipolar had manifested itself from that chemically induced psychosis. One such test was an IQ test. Low and behold? I have above average intelligence. Not a baby amount above either. I also will do a lot better now that I’m no longer in such a toxic and low place cuz I can concentrate better.

The difference now? I don’t give a shit how I perform on those dog and pony shows. See… I ended up receiving Social Security Disability around that time cuz I absolutely needed it. Yes. I ended up being on it significantly longer than I intended for one simple reason: I was setting up myself to never have to be on it again. It’s that I see it as it was intended: A short term solution while you get your shit together. I also received Social Security DISABILITY instead of just straight social security: I had worked enough quarters to qualify for the better coverage. My monthly payment was also higher than my peers cuz I’ve generally been paid pretty well for my jobs.

Why? I tend to be a work horse. This has caused me problems over the years: Some folks aren’t excited to cheer you on when your work performance shines on a light on their lack thereof.

As I would burn out in the past due to a lack of healthy coping strategies, I have also had challenges with this too. This inconsistent behavior makes me a bad employee.

Except you know what makes me an even worse employee? Boredom. But since I thought I was a bimbo? I believed that there must be something wrong with me rather than my mind numbing work. Truth? After I figure things out? That’s what it becomes to me. Ugh.

I know that I may seem like I’m rambling in all my posts. Nope. I’m slowly but surely breaking down what I’ve been doing over the years: I know that things that may seem obvious to me? May not be that way for others. I especially learned this being a caregiver in some capacity for 20+ years and being around a lot of people with a different primary language than English.

And this is why I stick with things like writing, indie filmmaking, other creative projects, and caring for people in some capacity? Every day is different. So much relief.

The other thing that I’m doing with these posts? I want folks to know that they’re not alone if they have faced anything that I have. This has always been the game changer for me.

Last but not least? I’m setting up myself to fully be an entrepreneur cuz I’d rather work 80 hours for myself than 40 hours for someone else.

Oops! I forgot to include that I’m having a marvelous time learning to be a fashionista. What does this mean to me? Showing up in the world with outfits that feel comfortable while expressing your true nature.

Let me know if you have any questions.

As always…

Have a glamorous day on purpose!

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