I know! I know! I know! I keep saying that I’m done until I get my websites together.

BUT BUT BUT I’m still downloading from being more grounded in my body. And guess what? My bullshit detector is having a field day. It’s absolutely insane how much bullshit as in honest to God damn BULLSHIT that I would tell myself. So… I’m going to stop trying to shutdown the blogs since I’m so much happier living in the light.

It’s also in writing this out that I’m giving you a better understanding of what I’m rolling out with my indie film company and mentoring businesses. Cuz yes: I’m still building those puzzles.

See… I loved going to punk shows during my senior year of high school in Missoula, Montana.

Truth? I felt so alive in those mosh pits with my Birkenstocks. They were more or less controlled chaos. It was also beyond exciting that those artists were also very DYI. There was also a mindset of “keeping it real.” You also didn’t have to be technically good musicians if you could wail on your guitars. Yes. I’m a sucker for hardcore.

Except I also recognized something: punk artists needed “the system” far more than “the system” needs them. Why? Punk artists draw their identities from it whereas the system does what it’s always done: suck up what it can to evolve with the times. Some punk artists would evolve. Others stayed or stay stuck. And they absolutely can cuz everyone has free will.

Thank you for visiting the rabbit hole… I’ve now reached today:

I’m building my businesses around growth rather stay in a cult of stagnation. What do I mean? I’m starting to play around with music cuz it’s part of my bigger creative picture. So, I reached out to Ian MacKaye of Fugazi and Dischord Records about sheet music for the cool song “Waiting Room.” Turns out that they never got around to putting that together cuz Ian doesn’t know how to read music despite being in the music industry for decades. Truth? He doesn’t have to ever learn to read music if he doesn’t want cuz he’s found his niche.

Me? I realized that one of my heroes is willfully ignorant. How dull. It’s time to move past someone interested in complacent wallowing. That leads me to my other big time “punk” hero Henry Rollins. He’s smart as fuck, curious as all get out, and a damn hard worker. But his writings… Yes. I’ve given Henry notes on his writings cuz I know he’s capable of so much more.

Again… Henry is going to do what Henry is going to do cuz he also gets to choose whatever the fuck he wants to do on his own terms. I do have one curious thought though: I wonder what would happen to Henry’s writings if he didn’t have an ingrained mental image of Heidi May ready to scream at him whenever he displeases her. Any questions? Just read his book “Sic” to see how this dynamic plays out. This seems like abuse to me. As Henry is over 60, he’s considered a member of the elder protected class. If he has autism like the rumors say, he’s a member of a second protected class. Police Departments can help if there’s truth here.

How does this relate to my indie filmmaking and mentoring? Wielding fear for results is so much the backbone to the arts. There’s also a ton of gaslighting around art only having value if it can be monetized. Art coming out of that toxic combination is often not at its personal best. Plus, it’s flips the narrative into gaslighting – artists “need” the agents of commerce more than the true north – agents of commerce have no products to sell if artists don’t create unless they become the artists themselves. Doing art to “keep it real” is also a scarcity mindset cuz you’re chasing an invisible standard set up to ensure mediocrity. I confess that I was miserable attempting to do art to conform like this. My art was awful too cuz I was outsourcing my standards instead of trusting my own.

What are mine? Strive for mastery. It took me writing scenes, short film scripts, TV pilots, and feature film scripts number over 100 with some 20+ drafts in for me to finally find my script 3 WISHES. I’m now in the process of developing it into a microbudget feature to be finished next year. As for preparation beyond producing our indie feature MY APOCALTYPTIC THANKSGIVING, I put together 12+ short films that I wrote, directed, produced, and edited most. Yup. I also ran camera, generated craft services, dressed sets, got props, gave acting lessons, taught writing, and the list goes on. Yes. I also bankrolled all of them based one three key principles: IF I don’t put in my own money, why should anyone else? If I can make things happen with no money, it sets me up to flourish once I have it with keeping the third principle in mind: It’s so much easier to spend other people’s money than your own.

As I left my film crew and actors back in Los Angeles when I moved to Montana? I’m teaching a short film making class through Billings Public School Adult Community Education. Students for that class will be considered to work on 3 WISHES. Here’s more information if you’re interested. Short Filmmaking class

I have one other filmmaking announcement except it deserves its own post.

Part of my drive for mastery is to put together over 400 poems to drive from for my poetry book slated for 2026. I’m thinking that I’d like at least 100 more to ensure quality. I don’t have a title yet.

I’ve also written essays for decades. And I’ve finally figured out my method for my essay book slated for publication in 2027. My title for this is… Are You Crazy!?!

I have so much more than all this except you get the idea. My true nature isn’t the old DYI “keeping it real” kind of “punk.” What if my “new” punk is going big or going home while having fun?

Yes. It took me a long time to get to my point. And I didn’t even get into the mentoring. So? This means that I’m still downloading from doing that sex magic ritual grounded in safety for 105 times. I want to be able to break everything down so much cleaner for my websites.

So… I invite you to comment or challenge or present a different way of viewing things cuz I want to eliminate blind spots in my bullshit detector.

As always? Have a glamorous day on purpose!!

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