Hellllllllooooooo!

As I’m moving towards leaving “trauma town” 24/7? I’m thinking about being checked out. Truth? I admit that I lived that way for a loooooooooooooooooooooong time. If you look at my earlier blogs… You get a smattering of what I’ve experienced. And it overwhelmed the fuck out of my system.

EXCEPT?

Life continues on whether I was prepared to tackle what came at me or not. I imagine that many a person can relate to these feelings and experiences. As a young person, I recall being hung up on the idea of everything being fair. BUT BUT BUT the more I experienced that I came to realize that this is a false idea to chase. And an even worse one to be bent out of shape about.

Cuz this quest? It’s about outsourcing fairness to others. When, dudes? It starts with me. No if or and or buts about it. I’ve also experienced pushback when I’ve been embodying what I consider “fair.”. Like somehow something is wrong with me for wanting this standard. Some of my “being a zombie” was also about not having the bandwidth to handle the pushback.

Why? Sure. Many a movie shows the underdog “fighting the system” where everyone celebrates them “fighting the good fight.” Bullshit. It’s much easier to demonize the truth teller than reflect on how you may be complicit or consider the system’s “pleasantries” on the surface distract from the harsh truth.

I know! I know! I know! I’m being cryptic today. I’m honestly circling around a ton cuz I’m working on building a slate of seven feature film scripts. I’ll write more about these more the longer that I sit with all this slate. Yes. I’m also looking at moving out of just living in trauma town for my scripts. Cuz there’s this false idea floated around in the art world: Trauma and pain equals depth. Like we’re all supposed to applaud when we’re all doing our best to cope with our own pain and trauma.

When it’s not the pain and trauma that defines me… How I handle it does for I know? Any ONE of my “traumas” have been enough to knock some folks on their asses and keep them there with them belly aching endlessly. Absolutely cool if that’s what you want to do with your life.

Here’s the thing about that though: Living that way means the source of the trauma has more power over your life than you do. I’ll be honest that this was beyond hard to swallow. Also kept me in a zombie state. I’ll also admit that I’m still in the process of thawing from this.

And the last piece? I can still chase whose fault things when? That won’t change the past or “right the wrong” or make up for lost time. Nope. It just eats time away. My energy is better spent learning from my traumas and pain to not repeat my part in things.

Dudes? This is soooooo fucking hard. It’s also been the most liberating of my process for it’s about realizing making active choices instead of living in zombie land has caused my life to feel so much better. Down right vibrant even! Love it!

As always: Have a glamorous day for fun!

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