Angst

Angst

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Yes. I sort of hid out since I last posted. Life has handed me a lot of shit that caused me to slow down. See… My mom and my husband’s mom were in and out of the hospital during this break. And my husband’s mom moved in with us for her to have a better space to work on her recovery.

As I have been slowing down, I’ve had more time to think. Sometimes this can be scary while other times it can be liberating. But I’d say this time is a combo of both. This is such a relief because there’s no such thing as things only being one way. If someone is trying to tell you that they can be, I bet they’re trying to sell you something.

I digress.

Here’s the thing though: I’ve been living in a world of “angst.” Huh, right? It’s that it seems that I’ve forgotten how to laugh for the longest time. I don’t mean this literally. It’s more that I’ve been so caught up in my stress and anxiety that I’ve allowed those to burn me to the ground several times over.

But I admit that I’m not surprised. Why? I literally just had a massive emotional purge from letting go of whatever shit lingered from my psychotic break and life in general since I took a break from my regular life during my Texas trip. Things like that will definitely knock one on the ass. My family happenings also added to the mix.

Except…

I also did something huge the other week: I went to my first job since 2005 where I will get a W2 from someone else besides my husband’s family or myself. It was super fun.

And I also finished up my third standup class from Cary Odes. I’ll write about this more in another post.

My conclusion? It’s exhausting to be exhausted. Plus, it’s exhausting to be full of angst with cake being my number one “go to.”

Yes. I did a massive crash and burn on my year of not eating sugar.

So what?

The world didn’t end when I did this. It’s true that my ass is wider and my gut enters the room before me. I even think that I have more gray hair.

My solution? I let go of the angst and slowly backed away. This allowed me to quiet my mind and own up to my faults. One of my favorite movie moments is at the end of 8 MILE when Eminem’s character embraces living in a trailer park. Yup. That’s him. His opponent could no longer turn it into a weapon to be used against him.

I leave you with this ask: Do you have any secrets about you that you’re ready to just say: Fuck it! Who gives a shit if people know this about me? I know this may be scary except… Have you considered that this can be true of everyone?

Have a wonderful day!

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