Suicide… Writing, huh?

Suicide… Writing, huh?

Happy Monday!

Wait!?! How can I title my blog “suicide” and start with such a cheerful salutation? It’s simple… I’m not going to sugarcoat it. And I’ll also be honest that I believe it has the power to create complications with the Coronavirus.

So, what does this have to do with writing? I’ll tell you how suicide and writing are related for me. I was once going through a difficult time in my life. Okay. I’ve had several except I lost my hope this particular time. Yes, I was in a dark place where I saw no way out.

As a result, I started drafting my suicide letter. But it couldn’t be just any suicide letter… It was going to be the last thing that I ever write. Can you imagine the pressure? I knew enough about writing to be dangerous while not necessarily knowing enough to be effective. How did I handle this? I spent four days of straight writing.

See… I’m am an intuitive writer. Some people call these kinds of writers “pantsers.” This is short for people writing from the seat of their pants. A thing to consider for more conceptual writers that work with outlines… How would you outline a suicide note? I mean seriously!?! That would be stripping away the emotion when wanting to commit suicide is all about emotion. Sure. You can try to rationalize it away to bullet points except the desire to commit suicide is your emotions holding your spirit by its short hairs.

And back to my suicide letter: I was between jobs thereby giving me endless time to just write and write and write and write. Did I say write? Yes. I believe that I did and that’s exactly how I spent my time. But I was unable to deem my writing “perfect.” Maybe if I had outlined it would have been closer to what would have been “perfect.” Who knows? But it would have been my voice? So many questions.

I eventually gave up to get notes. Some people might say that I wasn’t serious about committing suicide if not being able to write the “perfect note” was enough to stop me. I’d say that they clearly aren’t writers. No offense. It’s just that we look at the world in a different way than other people. The same could be said about plumbers and anyone else with a vocation. It colors how you see the world.

Plus, I had my plan. It also wasn’t one where I swallowed pills because I know that doesn’t always work that well. No. I know effective ways to get the job done.

My hope came back through a whole host of steps. I’ve also realized that I would never find out how my stories end if I were to kill myself. This sounds completely silly except it’s the small details that make up the big picture.

But I concerned with all the negativity right now that some people may not find their own “details.” The media is presenting this incredible doom and gloom sort of picture of Coronavirus and its impact on the world. Yes. We need the facts but we don’t need their adjectives. Huh? It’s that adjectives are value judgments based on a person’s frame of reference or a news agency’s perspective. The simpler word to describe this phrase is “their opinions” since they’re just supposed to be news.

These opinions are laden with emotions that make it easier to spin on the negativity. Hope can easily be eaten away when your brain is in the spin cycle of anxiety. It’s not that hope is 100% fragile that can go away at moment’s notice. Chipping away may also be a simpler task with most people currently home for extended periods. Who is primarily keeping them company? Hmmm? Does this sound familiar? Just look back a few paragraphs.

As for those of us stuck in LA, it’s even harder in that we’re in lockdown with no end in sight. I feel this is the wrong approach for the punk in me wants to yell “down with the man” at the top of my lungs and get shit done. But I also know that the Coronavirus isn’t the end of the world. I’ve also been through tougher things. I’ll not just survive… It’s now about thriving.

Others don’t have those same thoughts. They may also not feel compelled to get notes in order to perfect their suicide note thereby tipping off people. It’s that they may just go through with their plan to get the job done. And here’s how it might complicate the Coronavirus… They may purposefully go out of their way to catch it for they believe it to be enviable anyway.

My call to action then is to reach out to people you know that may confuse cutting themselves off with humanity and social distancing. Heck. Reach out to everyone. Now isn’t the time to be shy. You never know… that email or text or phone call or however else you reach out to someone may be their first real contact with humanity that day or even days. Spam emails don’t count.

The most powerful message that you can give someone suffering is to let them know that they aren’t alone. And no one… Not a single soul is alone right now for we are all in this together. This literally means most of the world – if not all of it.

So what is my secret for getting past those suicidal thoughts? I put them in perspective when I ask myself: Does this one moment mean more than all my years before it and all the years after it that I will never have? No suicide note will ever be able to encapsulate that perfectly for life means so much more than one moment or the perfect phrasing.

If you have doubts about someone – ask them directly. They can easily pretend that they’ve answered your question if not.

Okay. My nails are finally growing out and scratched my nose in this funny picture. But I also felt it was important to put a face to these word to let you know that I’m real. And this is truly my experience. I’m not making it up for effect. I just felt a need to speak to you directly from my heart. All right… I’ve said my piece. I hope that this has brought a smile or even a laugh along with a moment of pause. Let me know your thoughts. How are you feeling? What are you up to these days?

2 thoughts on “Suicide… Writing, huh?

  1. Read my post in response. Really good work. The comment about your emotions having your spirit by the short hair is brilliant.. Not calling cause I can only hear about every 3rd word. Xxoo love ya mom

    Liked by 1 person

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